Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City Episode 12

Trance state is the bomb

The penultimate episode of the first season of The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City starts how everything should always start, with the Shah Squad:

I maintain that we need a separate series all about the Shah Squad that airs simultaneously with the Housewives seasons because just this one image leads to so many questions: do all of these people have their own rooms? Did they fly in on the same flight as the housewives? How did they get to the hotel?

Whitney and Heather pre-game before their group dinner,

I don’t love the idea of having a bathtub two feet from my bed.

and Lisa and Meredith arrive to dinner at what I think is a table that was set up in a closet for them:

Mrs. Scarlet, in the conservatory, with the giant goblet.

And the waiter offers them a “porn star martini”???????

???????????

Back in Heather’s room, Whitney expresses her optimism, thinking everyone is fine with each other and headed for a fun night. Whitney, however, does not know what Heather knows.

What Heather knows is that Jen still blames Whitney for ruining Sharrieff’s party, and claims if Whitney weren’t Heather’s friend, Jen would drown Whitney in the lake behind Whitney’s house. Which is admittedly a funny if not disturbing threat to make toward someone who live sin Daybreak.

Jen arrives at dinner wearing her new Versace and a giant smile.

But the smile soon fades when Meredith and Lisa mention the fun day they had with Whitney:

When Lisa says she’s good with Whitney after Whitney’s apology, Jen starts to spiral,

and if we’ve learned anything after eleven episodes of this show, it’s that there’s no reversing the centrifugal motion of a Jen spiral. It’s like a toilet in Australia.

Essentially Jen is mad Lisa and Meredith aren’t mad that Whitney spread lies about them.

Lisa and Meredith are no longer upset with Whitney for Whitney telling Jen that Mary told her Meredith and Lisa are scared of Jen, because Whitney apologized, and that’s how adult relationships usually work.

It’s when Jen says that she’s going to continue to be upset with Whitney because that’s the right thing to do and not being upset with Whitney is the wrong thing to do, that Meredith excuses herself:

On the one hand, I respect it. On the other hand — Meredith, do you know what show you are on?

Jen is now in a full blown tizzy,

just in time for Heather and Whitney to walk in:

When Heather tries to talk with Jen, she’s literally beaten back:

And then Jen lays into Whitney:

Never forget this all happened around a porn star martini stuffed with toy parrots.

And when Heather tries to defend Whitney, Jen gets right up in her face and yells at her:

Then Jen’s bodyguard steps in:

It seems Jen’s Henry was hired not to protect Jen from other people but to protect other people from Jen. And if Jen hired him, I admire the self-awareness. But if someone else hired him, that bums me out.

Jen understands that a bodyguard physically pulling her away from the other women is her cue to leave, so she does, but not without getting in one last jab:

Was it the parrots?

Lisa follows Jen to try and talk her down, but a dumbfounded Heather and Whitney remain.

And hopefully still get to eat? I think the worst part of this show would be having my meals constantly interrupted with dramatic outbursts.

Lisa gives it the ol’ college try with Jen,

but to no avail. So Lisa returns to Heather and Whitney to Lisasplain the situation:

Oh, you think?

Whitney goes on the offense by telling Lisa that Jen talks about everyone behind their backs, which like, yeah, that’s the premise of the show?

I hate that the racing stripes on this jacket are glitter.

Lisa can’t believe that anyone would have anything nasty to say about her:

Imagine how she felt last week when Whitney said Lisa looked like she was trying to look sexy while pooping.

Up in her room, Jen calls Sharrieff and cries victim:

And the other women gather in Whitney’s room to plan their next move I guess.

Still unclear if any of these people were able to eat dinner.

Lisa, Heather, and Whitney tell Meredith what happened after Meredith left, and maybe exaggerate the violence a little bit:

Whitney tells Meredith that Jen was trying to goad Whitney into spreading rumors about Meredith’s marriage. So an annoyed Meredith decides it’s time to put the issue to bed for good:

She explains she and Seth have been separated on and off for years, and at times she has seen other people. Which is news to Lisa:

It’s possible Lisa thinks she and Meredith are closer than Meredtih thinks they are.

“Best friend?” —Meredith, probably.

Meredith concludes by saying that she and Seth are closer and happier than they have ever been and are moving forward together.

And with that, the conversation turns back to Jen. Lisa asks:

Meredith and Whitney say no, but Heather says yes.

Ugh. This is Heather’s whole deal — letting people walk all over her and then feeling sad about people walking all over her.

Heather admits Jen has toxic qualities, but claims that’s normal.

Sure, but most of us keep it buried deep down somewhere.

I assume because she’s been gaslit into thinking that’s normal.

That’s the problem, Heather.

It won’t surprise you to learn Heather is projecting her own insecurities about her failed marriage onto the situation:

Has that happened to you? You’ve never mentioned it.

The next morning Meredith calls Brooks,

who shares a harrowing story of the family dog pooping on his designer coat.

I’d like to think if I owned a $2,000 jacket I wouldn’t leave it on the floor. But glass houses and what not.

Heather calls some rando named Angela,

to whom she explains Jen has decided to fly home (exposition):

Whitney wakes and stretches while opining about how badly this trip, which she planned, sucks:

And Lisa calls Mary:

Who you should know is wearing this:

It’s like a cape just for the butt.

The two chat while Mary stands in front of the same mirror Ursula-turned-hot-girl uses to sing her plan for destroying Ariel in The Little Mermaid:

While Bernie from Weekend At Bernie’s looks on:

Lisa tells Mary everything that went down the previous night at dinner, and Mary enjoys the schadenfreude she has admittedly earned. 

How indeed, Mary? I wish she would turn ninety degrees and ask herself that question.

Meredith and her sleeves meet Whitney outside:

Then Lisa shows up,

but there’s no sign of Heather. So Whitney calls Heather, and Heather tells her she’s running fifteen minutes behind and will meet them wherever it is Whitney is taking them.

But Heather will be a while because when she walks in to get her stuff from Jen’s room, Jen is there, instead of on a plane where she told everyone she would be:

Jen asks the squad to clear out so she and Heather can talk.

So I guess they all go stand awkwardly in the hall? Does Stuart get his own room or is he sleeping in the tub?

Jen starts to explain herself which quickly turns into her blaming everyone else for what happened, but Heather, in rare form, pushes back —

and explains no one cares if Jen hasn’t forgiven Whitney, all they care about is Jen going cray and getting physical. 

Jen responds by demanding to know why no one will apologize to her:

To which Heather claps back:

This might be the first time anyone has called Jen on something like this:

And she doesn’t seem to care for it:

Elsewhere in a Vegas suburb, Whitney, Lisa, and Meredith roll up to a fortress.

At the door they are greeted by this woman:

Whose home looks like the Pier One headquarters in 1997:

I just know this house smells of dank standing water.

Lisa and Meredith are less than thrilled to learn that a few of their forty-eight hours in Vegas will be spent with some weirdo who wrote a book:

They could be eating at Momofuku.

But they agree to participate in the séance or whatever.

They’ve just started to enter a trance state which Kimberly describes as “the bomb,” when the doorbell rings:

And in walk Heather and Jen:

To the chagrin of everyone:

Heather and Jen take their seats and Kimberly continues to try to hypnotize the group.

But Jen is finding it difficult to relax:

Relaxing isn’t the point. Jen is mad and she’s here for blood. Not like, in an Armie Hammer way. She just wants to find out who’s lying. (She thinks someone is lying. It’s a whole thing.)

So Kimberly leads the group into the living room and invites them to sit wherever they are comfortable, which for Jen is probably Mars:

Kimberly, the intuit that she is, says she’s picking up on some damage in the group:

What was your first clue?

Kimberly tells them this is a safe space to express themselves, and Jen does not hesitate to do so with some waterworks:

During this performance she claims Meredith walked away from dinner when there was no issue, to which Meredith calmly responds:

So Jen hits her with:

Gonna use that next time I get pulled over for speeding. 

Meredith tells Jen she got up and left because Jen was getting aggressive.

So then Jen decides she needs to explain why she became aggressive, as though there’s a rational reason for a 49-year-old woman to throw a tantrum:

Her defense, as far as I understand it, was she was just trying to let everyone know that she’s only giving Whitney another chance to be her friend because she’s Heather’s friend. I think. I honestly find this whole thing more confusing than the Reddit hedge fund takeover.

Kimberly asks Whitney if she has anything to say. Of course she does.

The glass throwing Whitney is referencing is the glass Jen threw in a fit of rage at Sharrieff’s birthday party after Whitney told Jen that Lisa and Meredith were talking about her, which led to Sharrieff not speaking to Jen for four days. But ultimately this fight led to Sharrieff and Jen having a healing conversation, so why Jen still blames Whitney for the damage incurred on her marriage is not clear. But she does.

When Lisa tries to explain why everyone else has forgiven Whitney, Jen doesn’t want to hear it.

It is in fact not her turn to talk, and Kimberly tries to explain as much,

But Jen just keeps talking.

I mean, probably Mary.

Jen claims she values loyalty in friendship.

So Meredith reminds Jen that Jen spread rumors about Meredith’s marriage, which is not a very loyal thing to do.

Ya burnt!

Meredith asks Jen directly if she did, in fact, spread rumors about Meredith’s marriage:

Jen claims she did not, but is instantly contradicted by Whitney and Heather.

So Jen’s been backed into a corner by her own lies and has no choice but to apologize.

She tries to add an explanation to the apology, 

but Kimberly cuts her off:

GOAT

Jen tries again:

And Kimberly strikes again:

Third time is kind of a charm:

And Meredith accepts Jen’s apology.

Kind of.

Then Kimberly announces they’re going to play a game called “Trust Not Trust,”

which is an awful idea.

Kimberly asks the women to raise their hands if they don’t trust the person whose name she calls out,

and when she says Jen, every hand goes up:

When she says Heather, only Jen’s hand goes up:

And if looks could kill, Jen would be dead a thousand times over.

Heather can’t believe the betrayal.

I mean, you did just rat her out to Meredith.

Heather reminds us that she has chased Jen out of every event where Jen has stormed off, which is a lot of events, and has never betrayed her.

Heather seethes,

And Whitney asks to move places to get away from Jen:

Kimberly asks Heather to share her thoughts, and Heather tells Jen the night before was tough for her:

I know there are more important things going on but Heather’s hair here is tragic.

But it’s not getting through to Jen, who seems to think she’s done no wrong:

Using this the next time I’m an idiot and don’t feel like apologizing to my husband.

Lisa has had enough and yells that the issue isn’t that Jen is being attacked, but that Jen has done so much attacking:

And when Jen tries to talk over Lisa, Lisa lays down some hard truth:

Again, Jen is not getting it:

And it’s not until Heather says Jen is on the brink of destroying their friendship that she starts to look panicked:

Kimberly concludes the meeting with some useful insight:

And that’s a wrap on episode 12.

Season 1 ends next week with the Beauty Lab Laser new location launch, and Meredith’s take on masking up. I can’t wait, but I’ll have to.

Until then, check out our audio recaps of the RHOSLC episodes on The Green Room, and subscribe to our newsletter to get these recaps and other Hive Mind content in your inbox weekly. Also, support these recaps and podcasts by becoming a Hive Mind patron.